Surviving Holiday Gatherings

Ever walked away from a family Chrissie and thought, “thank god I don’t have to do that for a while”. Well, you wouldn’t be the only one. Family gatherings can bring on good times, shared laughter, and fond memories, but they can also involve uncomfortable dynamics, judgments and awkward conversations involving unsolicited commentary about your life and choices. In family systems, everyone has their roles, their go-to moves, their catchphrases and alliances. Here are some tips to navigate so you have the best possible experience. 

Step 1: Know the Cast

We all have that uncle who has opinions about everything from the gravy to global politics. And let’s not forget the odd ball cousin who believes every conspiracy theory under the sun. Instead of wishing they’d magically change this year, anticipate their behaviours and set your expectations accordingly. This will help you stay regulated whilst also practicing acceptance of who they are. 

Step 2: Decide Your Role in the Family Play

Holidays can bring out the inner child – especially when everyone reverts to roles they’ve held since the ‘90s. But this year, try choosing a new role. If family debates suck you in and get you riled up, perhaps try sitting in as the observer or the witness, rather than the defender or protector. Watch the unfolding scenes with mild curiosity instead of diving into every plot twist. Enjoy the humour in the dynamics as you sit back and stay regulated. Be an audience member enjoying the dramedy rather than an actor in the play. 

Step 3: Pack Your ‘Mental First Aid’ Kit

Just like you’d prepare for a weekend away, pack a mental toolkit for the holidays. A simple grounding technique – like focusing on your breath or silently naming things in the room – can help you stay present when you feel those stress signals creeping up. Even planning a few conversation-shift tactics, like “So, tell me about your trip,” can steer a discussion when things get a little too heated or awkward.

Step 4: Have a Go-To Escape Plan

Sometimes the best strategy is a moment of retreat. Maybe it’s stepping outside for some fresh air, playing with the kids, or even a simple bathroom break (nothing beats a silent five minutes of scrolling puppy videos, right?). Small breaks give you space to reset, especially if old triggers start getting activated. And, when you do return, you might be surprised at how that little bit of distance has calmed things down. Remember, you don’t have to stay engaged the whole time. Take a time-out when needed.

Step 5: End on Your Terms

We all have that one relative who can’t seem to let anyone leave without a “final word.” Know that it’s okay to end conversations politely but firmly. A gentle, “Thanks for the chat – let’s catch up later” can let you exit gracefully when you’re ready. 

Remember, the holiday season is about coming together and aspiring to feel joy, love, happiness, and connection. But bring your boundaries and self-care to the party too. Preserving your peace isn’t selfish, it’s smart and necessary. Do what you need to do to make your day as conducive to your mental health as possible.