Becoming your best self

Imagine waking up one day and not recognising the person in the mirror? Imagine feeling that you’re living someone else’s life? What if the person in your bed felt like somebody that you used to know? These are some of the daunting realisations that can arise when we neglect personal development and self-discovery. In order to cultivate strong and deep connections, we must first know ourselves; that is the key to forming meaningful relationships.

As children we absorb information like sponges and quickly become products of our environment. Monkey see monkey do. Our parents, family, care-takers, teachers, religious leaders, community members, institutions and cultures all have their own ideas, perspectives, beliefs, and world views on morality, values, meaning, identity, and worth. It is not uncommon that people speak of these things as objective truths. The joy and journey of self-discovery is figuring out what rings true for you. What are your values? What do you base your identity on? What gives your life meaning? To live by someone else’s rules, especially when they clash with your own values, will almost certainly set you on a path of internal conflict and struggle. 

Also in our youth, we are emotionally imprinted by the way we attached to our primary care-takers. If we felt our emotional and physical needs were met most of the time this leaves us with a higher probability to securely attach to other humans in romantic adult relationships. However, if we feel our needs were not adequately met, we experience insecure attachment and may find it more difficult to feel safe, have more trust issues, and have higher tendencies to self-sabotage or act in ways that jeopardise relationships. 

Then there’s culture. We have absorbed language, dialogues and behavioural patterns from friends, from the world around us that may or may not reflect the person we truly are, or the one we want to be. We are constantly consuming ways of being (passively and actively), but how much time are we spending analysing this content and choosing who we want to be? Do these hand-me-down modus operandi reflect who you truly are? Are you willing to live a life that’s not yours? 

Through critical analysis and conscious action, we can use self awareness and personal development as tools to become the best version of ourselves and get closer to living a life of meaning, a life in alignment with our values and ultimately self-actualisation. From this place of being the best version of ourselves, not only do we attract a different frequency of person, but we create the best chance of cultivating a healthy, happy, harmonious and meaningful relationship, one where we feel seen, heard, understood and deeply known. 

Despite everything that has happened to us, we have the ultimate power and free will to become whoever we want. Each person makes up 50% of every relationship they will ever be in. Who do you choose to be? How will you choose to show up? What can you do today to take steps towards actualising the best version of yourself?