What the f*nction is going on with my emotions?

Emotions…challenging little beasts that rise up in us and dictate much of our experience. Some we never want to end, others we can’t get through fast enough. One thing is for sure; emotions create universality amongst humans that allow us to deeply relate to each other. I may not know your story, but if you are in pain, I can connect to you through that feeling. Within their healthy expression, emotions are a vital part of our toolkit for survival. But what are they exactly? Well, if words are language of the mind, then emotions are language of the body.

Ever been to a non-English speaking country and everyone is yapping on around you? If you don’t know the language it is bloody hard to know what to say or do next. Same goes for emotions. When framed through the lens of a function, each emotion has a message it’s trying to send to your brain. It’s up to you to listen. Knowing the functions will help you navigate challenges and adversity, stay aligned to your values and help you make better overall decisions.

So, what is the function of each emotion?

Anger – To signify injustice or unfairness

Pain – To remind us of our need to protect and preserve

Loneliness – To remind us of our need for connection & belonging

Fear – To remind us of real, perceived or potential danger

Guilt – To reorient us back to our values

Shame – To reorient us back to collective values

Love – To remind us of need for connection & safety

Joy – To remind us what’s important & brings us happiness

The first step to developing this language is self-awareness. You need to understand when these emotions are happening in you. Slow it down. Pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now and where am I feeling it?” Then consider the function of the emotion. What is your body trying to tell you? Now apply the function to whatever is going on in your life. Especially with the challenging emotions, this will help clarify your experience and clue you in on how to move forward.

If you have some shame or guilt, do you need to make amends or accept and move on? If you’re angry, do you need to have a hard conversation and express a wrongdoing or unjust action? If you are lonely, who can you reach out to? The function directs us to the next action. The thing to remember at this stage is that the next action must be delivered in a functional way. This will require boundaries and containment.

When emotions are uncontained and communicated, that’s when you risk shit hitting the fan; people say things they don’t mean, and hearts get hurt. On the other hand, un-communicated emotion over time can lead to depression, addiction, resentment, physical illness and mental health struggles. While we are naturally pain avoidant and pleasure-seeking creatures, those uncomfortable emotions are actually trying to help us and it is definitely worth your while to study up.  So next time you catch yourself attempting to suppress, avoid, minimize, distract, or deflect, perhaps be curious and listen. What is my body trying to tell me about the situation I’m in?