Hard to be alone? A loneliness survival guide

Loneliness is the emotional response to feeling isolated or disconnected from others, while wanting greater social connection than you have. It is different to being alone, as loneliness can be felt even if you’re surrounded by people. It can be difficult to overcome, however there is support available and strategies that you can implement that may reduce feelings of loneliness.

“Feeling disconnected from others is very common,” says Barbara Stenhouse, Counselling Manager at Lifeline Northern Beaches. “So, while you may feel lonely – you’re not alone in feeling this way.” Studies have shown that around one-in-four Aussies feel lonely, that one-in-three don’t feel part of a group of friends, and that almost 55% feel they lack companionship at least sometimes. And young people, especially young women, are more likely to feel alone.

“It’s normal to feel lonely now and then,” says Barbara Stenhouse, Counselling Manager at Lifeline Northern Beaches. “However, if these feelings are causing you pain and distress, weighing on you, or negatively impacting your life, it could be helpful to reach out for support.” Loneliness is not a mental health condition on its own, and though it doesn’t mean a mental health problem will develop it is linked to mental health in two important ways:

1. Mental health problems can cause loneliness. For example, social anxiety may make it hard for someone feeling lonely to connect with others and form the type of relationships they want.

2. Extended periods of loneliness can develop into depression or other mental health concerns.

There are a number of strategies that can be tried to reduce feelings of loneliness and any negative impacts on your life. And, while some may feel daunting if you’re experiencing loneliness, you could try one that is achievable for you.

Try reaching out
It might seem obvious, but the best place to start could be with the friends you already have or have lost contact with. Most people appreciate when an old friend or former colleague reaches out to say hello. Life gets busy and no contact doesn’t necessarily mean someone doesn’t want to connect with you.

Schedule activities
Feelings of loneliness can happen anytime – and when others aren’t available. If you feel lonely you could try scheduling an activity with someone at a later date, giving you something to look forward to and making it more likely that people will have time to hang out and connect.

Practise self-care
Self-care can be any activity that promotes positive mental and physical health. Things like getting enough sleep; eating a healthy, balanced diet; making time for relaxation, such as reading, meditating, or walking; or taking time to do things that bring you joy, like painting or cooking.

Find ways to spend time with people Developing connections doesn’t happen overnight. It can take tens, or even hundreds, of hours which is why most friendships come out of school, work, university, or a shared experience. You could try volunteering or joining a local sporting club, community group, or online community to meet people who have mutual interests.

“It’s important to remember that everyone is different,” says Barbara. “What works for one person may not work for another. If you’re finding it hard to cope, then services such as counselling could assist you in developing strategies to improve your mental health.”