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Home » Online Articles » Topography, the unsung hero of sky high property prices
Property

Topography, the unsung hero of sky high property prices

Alinka HutchinsonBy Alinka HutchinsonDecember 1, 20222 Mins Read

Ever find yourself stuck conversing with deranged lunatics, also known as Victorians, where they steer the chin wag to how much better Melbourne is than Sydney? As if the Yarra holds a candle to Sydney Harbour or half decent coffee measures up as a tourist attraction akin to catching the Ferry to Manly, or that enduring four seasons in one day may be a catchy Crowded House tune, but as a way of life, it’s a nightmare.

Having suffered through many of these tête-à-têtes, I realised how to slam the door shut on our southern neighbours’ preposterous proposals with a single piece of irrefutable evidence. Melbourne is and always will be irretrievably dreary for one reason, it’s flat. Flat as a pancake. Stand anywhere, you may as well be everywhere. It’s all the same, a smooth, level, insipid sprawl of monotony. Topography? Here? No! 

Without life’s ups and downs, lofty heights, enticing ravines and natural rollercoasters in between, where do you climb for challenging self-fulfilment, or descend into for requisite reflection? And how, most precipitously, is a property supposed to have the greatest asset of all, a view? Think about our Peninsula. North Head rises from the Tasman with colossal wonder. Spit Draw Bridge opens and closes in the shadow of an ascent to Seaforth so incisive that within moments you gaze back south, feeling you could tap Centrepoint on the pointy end. Long Reef headland looks copy and pasted from a fairy tale of epic proportions. Is it even real?

Every Beaches postcode rises and falls as though our Creator was an astute real estate agent, carving out an oasis of beachfront amphitheatres and life-affirming vistas. It reserves letterbox-delivering Tawny Frogmouths for elite athletes, while also ensuring Emerald City property prices
will always outperform the entire planet.

Sorry Melbz.

*If you’re looking to purchase your first home or refinance your existing home loan at the best possible rate, contact James Leader at Shore Financial, on mobile 0450029418 or via email at jamesleader@shorefinancial.com.au

Hugh G Lee Inndette Issue 23 Satire
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