Reason, Season or Lifetime?

Having been flogged with Disney and Hollywood narratives promising “happily ever after” it is no wonder that many of us have invested a lot of time pursuing a lifetime relationship. 

However, if we stop and take inventory on our experiences, the reality is actually quite different. We have a couple of relationships, some bouts of being single, a handful of flings, internal fantasies, maybe a marriage or two that did or didn’t work out, perhaps a couple of kids thrown in the mix. The variety and nature of our romantic relationships is a lot more colourful and confusing than our over-simplified fixation on the one. 

And rightfully so! We are beautifully complex ever growing creatures with a vast array of wants, needs and desires that continuously evolve over the life span. But how do we understand and integrate the value of all the different types of romantic relationships that we have had and will have? What if the end goal isn’t necessarily to die together? What if time isn’t the measure of success?

Reason, Season or Lifetime is another way to understand the kinds of relationships we can have without dismissing the relevance or value they bring to us. 

A reason relationship is one that teaches us lessons about ourselves, our lives or human behaviour. Reason relationships can also help us make sense of less positive experiences, such as being cheated on, broken-up with or ghosted. Reason relationships can teach us a lot about the way we want to relate and communicate moving forward. Knowing what you don’t want is just as important as knowing what you do. Take these lessons and run with them! 

Season relationships help us make sense of those dynamics that only lasted for a brief or defined period of time. Who’s to say that one year love affair you had whilst living abroad in the US didn’t enrich your life and heart immensely? Who’s to say that that relationship isn’t of equal value as others that have lasted longer? Each relationship regardless of time brings us different gifts. We need to stop using time as the default measuring stick for success. 

Look around, there are plenty of people measuring success by time but how many of them are actually happy? I’m not here to define successful relationship; I’m here to invite you to define your own. What does success in a relationship look and feel like to you? 

Ironically, we don’t even get to see if someone is a life-timer until the end of the road, so what’s the point of putting that added pressure on the relationship? Often what happens is that when people are so attached to finding a life-timer, they lose sight of the person in front of them, and can end up having a relationship with a projection of the person they wish to see rather than the one that exists. When the projection and the real person clash, this can lead to extreme disappoint, turbulence and heartache. No doubt relationships are challenging but bringing a backpack of expectations is never going to help. 

I’m inviting you to hold space for the possibility of allowing your intimate relationships to be what they are and appreciate them for what they give you. Reason, season or lifetime, all are of value and enrich your life.